Our's was pretty good. Tyler had a meltdown the day before christmas which didn't make santa claus coming fun at all. He constantly repeated that he doesn't care if santa comes or not because he never brings anything anyways. When he woke up in the morning and saw his bike sitting by the tree he didn't think it could possibly be for him. It was sad.
Christmas at Christina's parents house was weird because we were there and Tyler's parents were there. They let him do anything he wanted to like eat 14 cookies before dinner, not finish his plate, run through the house... etc. Everytime we told him to do something he would basically laugh at us. It was very difficult. He also called his mom mommy and his dad daddy. He never does that! The poor thing... he just wanted them to pay attention to him and they still wouldn't. They could care less. I feel really sorry for him. He was surprisingly good after he spent the night at their house. We expected a crying fit to get him to leave with us. But he was ready.
I can't wait for him to start school. He's very difficult to keep happy. He has to be doing something at all times, which drives me crazy. He won't just sit and read a book or talk to us. There has to be TV, games, PS2, etc. going on. We have a lot of things we need to work on. The biggest thing is his temper tantrums. If we tell him to change his clothes, change his shoes, we're going to target, or basically anything he doesn't want to do... he'll stomp and yell and act like a 3 year old. It's obnoxious! We don't know how to react to it at the moment. After the ordeal is over we try to talk about it, but it doesn't seem like it's getting through. Should we punish him at that moment? I was thinking of stopping him in his tracks and telling him he has a do over or a 2nd try... something like that. It's hard to punish him because he doesn't know any better, but at the same time we have to correct him! I don't know! If anyone knows of any good books about parenting troubled children, let me know!
Sorry for the long post... I need to post more often.
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4 comments:
Sounds like you guys are busy with Tyler! Can I suggest "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene? He's got some really good techniques for kids with frustrations and difficulties like Tyler. It might give you guys some tools to keep in mind too and that can always help!
Good luck and keep up the good work!
Wow...sorry it's so tough. I really don't have any good words of wisdom, sorry. :( Hang in there!
Can I say, "Therapy, therapy, therapy!!!" ? For him and maybe some for all of you to help learn what to do in sticky situations. I know it has helped my family tremendously. (Especially DP's...LOL!) Anyway, sometimes you can find classes at places like the local hospital or the DSW.
It sounds like you care so much about him and he is one up right now just having someone who WANTS him. It's going to be hard for him to change things that he's been doing his whole life. Praise praise praise!!!! Anytime he does ANYTHING appropriately. He has probably never had any kind of attention other than negative.
At my daughter's school (a little alternative school that focuses on how you get along with your friends, community, & planet), they say things like, "I really liked those words you used to ask so and so whatever" or "I really like the way you checked on so and so after she fell" or "What kind of calm words can you use to help me understand you better" or "You showed that your were a really good friend when you helped so and so with her such and such."
I tell my daughter thank you for so many obscure things. You can always hear me saying "thank you for this" or "I really like the way you that" or "it really helped me when you were so patient while I this" or "Look how fast you got dressed when I asked you to...didn't that make things easier." Or my personal favorite, "Don't you feel proud of yourself for ..." "Isn't it wonderful that you have time to play ... because you did ... wihtout me asking more than once?" Or "If you get ... done quickly, you will have time to ..."
Ok, I'm starting to ramble. Just a few ideas from my every day life with a 9 year old.
I wanted to add that it must have felt really good when he wanted to come back to you. I'm sure it's hard for him, but it shows that he feels safer with you. That's a BIG deal...I'd have guessed it would have been hard for him to leave his parents no matter how much he liked being with you.
You guys are doing a great job!!! Take one day at a time. (And sometimes one moment at a time.)
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