Sorry I've been MIA

Things have been pretty hectic! Let's see... where do I start. I guess I'll start with my job. I've been working for 2 months and I love it! The people are great and I feel appreciated which is a totally new feeling! I really miss Christina and Tyler, though. Right now I'm living in Charlotte and they're in Raleigh. It's about a 3 hour drive. I feel especially bad for Christina because she is having to deal with him all by herself.

Soo... speaking of Tyler... we got the results of all his testing back. Basically he has every learning disability known to man. Well, everything but dyslexia... The poor thing! The biggest thing is RAD- Reactive attachment disorder. If any of you know of it, it's pretty awful. It's very difficult to deal with. Basically the jist of it is he doesn't trust adults because when he was a baby adults didn't give him what he needed, whether it was food, comfort, or attention. So because of that neglect he is constantly trying to sabotage relationships. He is very manipulative and when he thinks he is hurting us (tearing up pictures of himself, throwing away things we've bought him, etc) he is actually hurting himself. But he doesn't see this and it's very frustrating. The rules of raising a child with RAD is completely opposite from a normal child. You can't go with your gut. He wants to be in control and he will do anything in his power to make sure he is. If he succeeds in being in control, he will trust you even less because if you can't control him, then obviously you can't protect him. WEIRD! It's so backwards it makes my head spin.

We have brought him to a neurologist and a psychologist. The neurologist did an MRI and an EEG. The EEG is normal (tests for seizure stuff), but we find out about the MRI next week. The first thing the technician asked after seeing his brain was whether or not his mother was a crack addict. So we're expecting the worst in the brain department.

We have a meeting with the school tomorrow morning to discuss his IEP. He's going to be put in an LD class the whole day. He just cannot keep up with a regular class. His psychologist seems to think that with a lot of hard work, he will catch up to his age by the time he's in middle school. He's in 3rd grade right now... and not passing.

Now let me tell you about the tantrums we're dealing with. I'm not talking about little crying, screaming tantrums. I'm talking about throwing himself on the ground, beating his head on anything, screaming BLOODY murder, throwing anything and everything, slamming doors, more SCREAMING, breaking things, biting himself, crying crying crying. This is what we deal with on a DAILY basis. It is the most amazing thing. And the hardest part about it is that it comes out of no where! We could be playing a game of go fish and I will casually say, " time for a shower!" and it begins and continues for an hour. Absolutely amazing. I guess the good news is that it means he's starting to heal and trust us.

He's actually getting over his mom... he doesn't talk about her much and he's starting to realize it's not our fault, but it's hers. He doesn't want to go back to her and he calls us his family. Our biggest problem with that part is explaining to him that we are lesbians and what that means. We are trying to find some other gay couples with children so he can see it's not that weird. He hates that Christina doesn't look girly, but yet she's not a man. He wants her to choose one or the other. He's always telling her to put on makeup or he'll say, "why can't you just be my dad?" We constantly try to explain these things to him. I feel bad because not only does he have all these problems, but now he has two moms! Poor thing!

We're making it through all of this. He gets out of school in July and then they're moving to Charlotte. Things will be much better when we're together.